On Wednesday, I was invited to appear on the Maury show. I responded to one of Maury's Facebook blasts. HAVE YOU BEEN LYING TO SOMEONE ONLINE ABOUT YOUR TRUE APPEARANCE AND DO YOU WANT TO REVEAL YOURSELF ON LIVE TV, it said. I had already been on the show as an audience member, you see, and they do provide a pizza lunch, so I lied: I have been emailing my cousin--a la Manti Te'o--as a kind man from Oregon and the poor thing is falling in love, I JUST DON"T WANT HER TO GET HURT, MAURY. A producer called within the hour, asking all manners of nonsense.
I am calling from the Trisha show, do you watch the Trisha show?
No, I don't have a TV.
Why don't you have a TV, Stela?
I don't have a stable living situation. (I think this particular answer was some sort of jackpot for the lady-journalist.)
Do you consider your personality to be like the personality of who we have on our show?
No, but my cousin, yeah, hers is.
Why would you do this to your cousin, Stela?
She was getting over a breakup and I wanted her to feel more attractive.
Now most importantly, Stela, is this story true? You didn't make this up, did you?
No, I'm really upset about the whole thing.
You have to understand why I'm paranoid.
As soon as she'd taken my cousin's fake name and repeated the fake phone number back to me, I was off the phone and would not answer the subsequent calls, half angry, half terrified, and half relieved that something restrained my mindless antics.
She did leave some pretty voicemails, and those I'll keep.